A letter

Dear Blonde Bimbo With The Big Mouth Sitting In The Cubicle Behind Me,

If I promise you my first born, will you please, please shut the fuck up?!?

I don't know who the asshole was who convinced you that the ditsy blonde routine was cute, but trust me, it's not. Just ask your ex-husband. Besides, for someone who pays $187.00 every three weeks to get your hair to achieve that bizarro greenish blonde hue with the circus tent highlights intentionally, you're not trying hard enough. You give REAL blondes a bad name.

I'm sick of hearing you discuss (quite loudly over the phone to anyone who will listen) the pro's and con's to retiring six months early, but believe me when I say it, we ALL want you to go!

Signed,

Kate