Dear so and so

A brief note to no one in particular, by Kate Eggleston

Dear So and So,

Why oh why do you insist on closing major shopping venues on holidays like Easter? Don't you know by now that heathens like myself prefer to be good little agnostic Americans and SHOP on days like today? I know I'm not alone when I say that certain people in this world need things like toilet paper, paper towels and a Martha Stewart dish drain on a day to day basis...even on Easter. Oh, the humanity!

I was feeling particularly crafty this morning and wanted to make a new curtain to hide the kitchen nook where we keep things like the garbage can and empty pizza boxes, but much like places such as Target and the grocery store, your influence over the JoAnn corporation was far too strong for them to resist and they simply buckled under the weight of your iron fist. That's too bad. Alas, I will wait until tomorrow for the nook cover notions, but know that the rebellious ones, a.k.a., KMart (eew, I know) prefer to separate themselves from religion and stay open on days like today, much to my cashier's dismay. Because of such luck, I scored a stunning $6 Martha Stewart cake stand and was also conveniently able to buy the before mentioned paper products I so desired.

So, in conclusion, poo poo on you. I'll keep you in mind when my stimulus check arrives, shining and glistening in the sunlight like morning dew.

Always,

Mrs. Kate Eggleston