I realized today how simple and, dare I say, boring, a person I truly am. I've never been a flashy person. I don't buy a lot of clothing and I'm certainly not a shoe whore. I don't keep up on the latest trends and I buy most of my clothing from places like Old Navy and the Salvation Army. Name brands mean nothing to me and if you invite me to a formal event that requires pantyhose or ::gasp:: a dress, I can promise you that I'm throwing a fit and cursing you out behind your back. On a good day I'll throw on a bit of eye makeup to keep people from thinking I've been resurrected from the dead. I do very little with my hair, and this is the main reason why I keep it short...less work.
Sometimes I think I'm too lazy a person and my general lack of energy and enthusiasm prevents me from fixing the "problems" listed above. But today it dawned on me that I'm not really all that lazy. I just don't give a damn. What I wear and where I shop doesn't make me who I am. Hell, I think the fact that I don't make a whole lot of money makes me a decent person. My life is simple and I enjoy living it with my husband, my dog and my cat. We keep a small, neat home on a dead-end street. Most nights we're content to sit together on the front porch talking or just spend hours snuggled up on our old, beaten up couch watching the Food Network. I find great peace in things like baking bread or spending endless hours at my sewing machine. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Tomorrow Ben and I will celebrate our third wedding anniversary. We chatted briefly this morning about how we'd like to spend the evening and we both agreed to go out for dinner. Last year we had a wonderful time. We dined on Lebanese food in Troy in the tiniest, dirtiest little hole in the ground. Most people wouldn't give this place a second thought. It's not the kind of place one would think they could get a delicious meal without an infectious disease, and the reactions we got from people when they asked where we went disgusted me. Apparently I don't make enough money to be friends with certain people. They simply don't approve.
Things like this make me lose faith in humanity. What have we, as Americans, become? Who decided that we are expected to spend a ton of money on a meal in order to make our anniversary "real"? And exactly how much money do I need to EAT before I become a decent human being in your eyes? I'd love to know. This year we're planning on having dinner at a vegetarian restaurant in Schenectady and from the looks of the menu, we probably won't spend more than $20 for two. That's plenty. Last year we held hands and took a nice walk after dinner around downtown Troy, window shopped and poked around in the antiques district. This year I think we'll find ourselves in the stockade district of Schenectady and if the weather agrees we'll walk around again this year. To me, this is the ultimate anniversary gift. A nice meal (and cheap to boot) and a walk with my love. Hell, we might even throw a card in there for good measure.
I cannot express how important this is. Expensive meals, cars, clothing, hotel rooms, friends...they mean nothing in the end. I'm not impressed by how much money you make. If anything, I feel bad for you. Living a complicated life is a difficult choice you're making for yourself. Why bother? Being a pretentious little consumer has not made you a good person. Stop compensating for whatever it is that you're missing in your life and focus on being a good person. The world needs more good people.